My Dad Chose His New Family Over Me
Has anyone been in this state of affairs? Does anyone who is experienced take advice on how to become about holidays? Dad basically came out and said "if you are making me choose, I cull (stepmother)" - who has never liked me, and treated me like a servant my whole life. OTOH, they have a daughter who gets all of their love and affection. Would appreciate hearing from someone who has been through this.
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My mom divorced and remarried when I was around 4. I was the youngest of 7, then the others ranged from half-dozen-18. The oldest 2 were out of the business firm (navy and married) and the boys went to live with my dad. My mom always chose my step-father over her own children, including moving 3 hrs abroad when I was ten and taking me with them, thus taking me abroad from my dad, siblings, (several of whom were married and having kids by and so,) and my grandmothers. It really sucked, especially when my real dad died 4 years later and I barely had a relationship with him.
She has no relationship with her grandchildren, very limited human relationship with any of her children and sits at home alone now that my step-male parent died 2.5 yrs ago. I've never understood it.
They make their choices based on who's in bed with them (and had to explicate this to my 22 yr erstwhile niece when my blood brother recently divorced and remarried and he at present chooses is new wife (#3) over his kids. I guess they do that to keep the peace at abode, and I become that, but they're setting themselves upwards for a pretty lonely onetime historic period.
No advice, merely commiseration.
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My dad also chose his stepmom over me; he began dating less than a twelvemonth after my mom died. At present he is only involved in her family unit and her grandkids, and nosotros have almost no contact. His pick. And hers, I guess.
I'm sorry, OP. It really hurts, I know.
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My mom plays that game of making me cull her or my dad - I choose neither and if they want to join our family they do. You suck information technology upward and brand an try to get along with her for your dad's sake and for your/your children's sake. I'm not a fan of my mom'south new swain - he's fine, nil incorrect with him simply I'll brand the endeavour.
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OP, what led up to the "if you lot are making me cull . . ." question where he came out and said this? I am really sorry he said this, but what is the context? Why did y'all ask him to choose?
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Anonymous wrote:OP, what led upwards to the "if y'all are making me choose . . ." question where he came out and said this? I am actually distressing he said this, only what is the context? Why did you ask him to cull?
+1. The person who makes someone choose between them and someone else usually loses.
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Op, why practice you wish to make this a contest?
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I had a stepmother who clearly wanted my begetter to choose her over me. She would endeavor and arrange situations that would put my dad and I at odds. She would also get mad at him for spending whatsoever money on me. I could tell what she was up to and didn't fall for it. She is no longer in the moving picture.
Basically OP, why does your dad recollect that he has to choose?
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Been there, done that OP. My dad regularly chose stepmom over me for many years. It sucks, just try not to recollect it's most you. Men are idiots when it comes to the women in their lives. My advice is discover a style to be in your dad's life fifty-fifty if it hurts to feel you are competing for his honey. Don't force a competition. I feel for you though. I really practice.
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Anonymous wrote:Been in that location, washed that OP. My dad regularly chose stepmom over me for many years. It sucks, just try non to call up it'due south well-nigh you. Men are idiots when information technology comes to the women in their lives. My advice is find a mode to exist in your dad's life even if it hurts to experience you are competing for his love. Don't forcefulness a competition. I feel for you though. I really do.
This is my post and I wanted to add something. One strategy that sometimes worked for me was scheduling something separate to do with just my dad, without stepmom present. What I unremarkably came up with was meeting my dad for dejeuner or dinner, just the ii of u.s.. It didn't eliminate feeling junior at the larger family gatherings, but it was at least a mode of staying connected to my dad on more than of my own terms. Would this perchance piece of work for you lot?
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Not only did Dad choose Stepmom (and their new kid) over me, merely when they divorced after 10 years, he started choosing girlfriends over me.
He lived out of state and I was in town with my new son, his only grandchild. I asked him to meet me at a relative'southward firm where I was staying. He told me his new girlfriend (who I had never met) wouldn't like him going to his ex-wife's relative's business firm, and then he wouldn't come see me or his grandson. I didn't speak to him for months afterward, merely finally accustomed his amends and nosotros moved on.
Men call back with their dicks and volition always choose the person they're sleeping with over children, or really whatsoever relative.
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How one-time are yous, OP?
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Bearding wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Been there, washed that OP. My dad regularly chose stepmom over me for many years. It sucks, but endeavour not to call back information technology'south nearly you. Men are idiots when it comes to the women in their lives. My advice is discover a way to be in your dad'due south life even if information technology hurts to feel you are competing for his love. Don't forcefulness a competition. I feel for you though. I really do.
This is my post and I wanted to add something. One strategy that sometimes worked for me was scheduling something carve up to do with only my dad, without stepmom present. What I usually came upward with was meeting my dad for lunch or dinner, but the two of united states of america. It didn't eliminate feeling inferior at the larger family gatherings, but information technology was at to the lowest degree a way of staying continued to my dad on more than of my ain terms. Would this possibly piece of work for y'all?
I take tried this with my dad and information technology backfired large time. His wife (#three, married her when I was 32) was livid and started a huge entrada against me to my male parent. But be mindful of her personality equally it might backfire.
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, what led upwardly to the "if you lot are making me choose . . ." question where he came out and said this? I am really sad he said this, but what is the context? Why did you lot enquire him to choose?
+one. The person who makes someone choose between them and someone else usually loses.
Agree. I'k wondering how this ultimatum came about? Y'all should know better than to back someone into a corner.
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, what led up to the "if you are making me cull . . ." question where he came out and said this? I am really distressing he said this, but what is the context? Why did you lot enquire him to choose?
+ane. The person who makes someone cull betwixt them and someone else normally loses.
How sometime are you? If yous're making him cull one or the other and you're over 18 y'all need to become your shit together and recognize she'll be there for the rest of his life and you need to respect that.
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